


Amour Perdu (Lost Love)

by pinksarchives



Category: 2kims, BLACKPINK, jennie - Fandom, jensoo - Fandom, jisoo - Fandom
Genre: Chaelisa - Freeform, F/F, blackpink - Freeform, girlxgirl, jensoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-18 18:51:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21281567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinksarchives/pseuds/pinksarchives
Summary: Do you believe in falling out of love?Jisoo was certain about everything except for one thing — the sparkly and expensive engagement ring enveloped around her finger.
Relationships: Jensoo - Relationship, jennie kim and jisoo kim
Comments: 10
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

"I am going to wear this? Jisoo, what the actual fuck?" Lalisa was so shocked. Her doe eyes were practically sparkling like the stones embedded on the gown she's holding.

"No? Maybe you should try eating that gown, Lalisa." Jisoo scoffs as she sat down on the wide bed.

The hotel room was obviously three or maybe four times larger than Jisoo's apartment in Gangnam, the view outside of the glass windows is mesmerizing and worth a billion won. _If pressure and discrimination aren't present here, Seoul should've been the best country,_ Jisoo thought.

"You are so lucky to found Jennie. She's so kind, hardworking, brilliant, funny, and rich? I wish I pursued being a doctor instead of taking up accountancy. I could've gotten Rosie this kind of wedding instead of our simple beach wedding with only a two-layer cake present?" Lisa's voice is filled with loving and regret.

Jisoo suddenly stood up and hugged her younger cousin. She knew how much Lalisa wanted to give Rosie the best wedding but due to financial problems and lack of support from their parents they ended up getting married at the age of 24, with only fifteen people as guests last year in Thailand.

"Shh. Can you stop blaming yourself about that? Rosie said it to herself that she doesn't care about the wedding but rather the assurance that the two of you will live forever together." The older said, calming the 25-year-old blonde woman standing next to her.

Lalisa smiled and a few seconds later, continuous knocks echoed outside the room.

"Oh gosh. It's your baby." Lalisa was smiling excitedly. She got off from hugging her older cousin and went straight to the door to unlock it. 

The door revealed Jennie on her normal clothes— a Gucci crop top and Chanel denim skirt. 

"Baby!!!"

Jennie exclaimed and ran towards her soon to be wife to hug the other tightly. She missed Jisoo a lot because they failed to see each other for a long time and when I say a long time it actually means **— **_approximately thirty minutes_**.**

"So? Should I leave the two of you here?" Lalisa was giggling while watching the couple hugging each other as that hug means forever.

Jennie winked on Lalisa that boosted the blonde girl's laughter. She slowly escaped the room and shouted,_** "**_Honeymoon should come after the wedding, guys!" before closing the hotel room door.

"I swear to God, she's so annoying. Sorry, baby._**"**_ Jisoo apologized with a flustered smile.

"No, she's actually cute. But you remain to be the cutest, my Chuchu." Jennie smiled widely as she pinched Jisoo's soft cheeks.

If Jennie did that exactly five years ago, Jisoo's heart should've been pounding like a mad horse. The nickname that Jennie made for her sounded like a magical spell before but the trembling feeling was creeping all over Jisoo's body. The magic wasn't working on her at all. The warmth of Jennie's touch is now slowly fading like a fire turning to ashes. It wasn't like this for the past five years, Jisoo was madly in love with Jennie as much as Jennie was madly in love with her. They could look at each other, without saying a word, and still feel like they're connected. But these past few months, Jisoo couldn't grasp that feeling - _the feeling of being in love with her girlfriend_.

Jennie's eyes were pierced on Jisoo's, the eyes that screamed how much she wants to own Jisoo, savor, and eat until the Sunsets or even until the Sun rises again. Jennie slowly went to kiss Jisoo's thin lips, caged the older's hips with her palms. They kissed like they usually do, passionate, warm, eager, and loving?

The younger went to Jisoo's neck, kissing it there like it's her own favorite place until she went down on Jisoo's valley sneaking on her plain white T-shirt. The older moaned when Jennie sucked her right breast, leaving a purplish mark there. 

"Sit." Jisoo commanded that the younger wholeheartedly obliged.

Jennie sat down on the bed and Jisoo waste no time as she parted her legs caging the younger's legs. Jisoo grinded slowly on Jennie's lap, making the younger whisper the words such as_ faster_, _yes_, and _that's it, baby, _repeatedly_._

The older knowingly undressed herself, she removed her own bra and leaned towards Jennie, letting the younger suck her nipples. Jisoo was whimpering with much pleasure. It's driving her insane. Jennie's really good at things like this. No one could top how good Jennie in sucking her.

"Fuck. You are so gorgeous, baby." Jennie paused for a while to admire the view in front of her. Words creeping on Jisoo's body, turning her on.

"Then suck me more." Jisoo commanded. The dominance made Jennie into a desperate kitten who wants nothing but to be punished by her dom. She lowered her head to get the right angle to suck Jisoo's nipples. Jennie's hands are busy squeezing Jisoo's right breast while her mouth was sucking everything from Jisoo's left and full breast.

Jisoo was wearing her signature black sweatpants that Jennie gave to her during their 3rd anniversary. It wasn't just sweatpants, it's from Balenciaga limited edition winter fashion show.

"Why are you so wet?" Jisoo asked when her hand snaked inside Jennie's skirt. The older slowly caressed Jennie's wet pussy, teasing the other and making the younger squirts with her words and skillful hands of course.

"I am always wet for you, baby." Then Jennie proceeds on grinding her wet lower part on Jisoo's hands stuck down there.

During their five years relationship, Jisoo saw how much effort and love the other was willing to give to her. Jennie literally chose to go to Jisoo's foundation week just to see the older perform her spoken poetry instead of going to her review classes. Jennie's from an elite school, Yonsei University, and Jisoo is just a simple girl who's taking up Psychology at a community college near their city. They met during the most unexpected moment. Jennie was having her internship at the small clinic where Jisoo was confined because she couldn't breathe. Jennie was the one who's having her duty that time as an assistant nurse when Jisoo was confined, the first step Jennie told her to ease her difficulty in breathing is to remove her bra, that left Jisoo totally dumbfounded.

As being gay as she was, Jisoo tried to say no but Jennie argued to her and said, _"We are both girls here. What's the problem?"_

The older, who was 21 years old at that time, rolled her eyes and uttered, _"Well, brave of you to think that I am straight. I am a lesbian."_

It was really funny whenever they think about it. A funny start of a love story they never thought would last until today, exactly 10 days before their wedding. Tomorrow will be their flight to Thailand for their wedding who's planned by Jennie's younger sister Tzuyu. Almost every day, Jennie would send a long message to Jisoo. Even during the days where she was spending all her nights sleepless in order to prepare for her medical licensure exam, Jennie could still make small surprises for her beloved Chuchu.

Growing up with very stoic parents, Jisoo isn't used to showing too much intimacy. Showing how much you love someone, being clingy, kissing in public, holding Jennie's hands during their dates, are some things which aren't easy to her. 

Showing her feelings means being weak.

That's the mantra of a Capricorn who's born with unloving parents. But even though she's not used to it, Jisoo tried so hard to give Jennie the attention and love the younger deserves. Jisoo graduated as a Psychology professional and is working as a Guidance Counselor in a small private school in Busan. She's not earning enough, but she's trying enough to give Jennie the luxury she had since she was born.

Remembering from the day the became a thing, up until now, Jisoo couldn't remember a thing that caused them to fight. Jennie is the most loyal person she has ever known, and Jisoo never tried to cheat on the younger. It's unforgiving. Cheating is never a thing for Jisoo, she knows that no one deserves to be lied to or being cheated on.

_They love each other, no doubt. But is love enough?_

Almost twice a month, Jennie flies to New York for her work. Time is the most important element of any relationship followed by communication. Jisoo had always wanted to go to places she has never been. She wants to do more than what she could do now.

But she is getting married in ten days, will she be able to do what her heart desires if she's tied to someone?

"Please put it inside," Jennie begged as her soft hands accompanied Jisoo's fingers towards her wet and naked entrance. Jisoo got out from whatever the thing that was bugging her. She slowly stroked Jennie's entrance with her long and firm fingers.

The other was whimpering like crazy, she couldn't control her screams. When Jisoo successfully inserted her index finger, she stroked second and third fingers right away. 

She knew Jennie very well. The younger has probably touched herself before coming here, that inserting three fingers didn't even make Jennie flinch.

"Ugh. F-fuck. Please fill me, babe." If anyone could only see how vulnerable Jennie is for Jisoo's touch, it would be very unexpected. She might be the nicest but she's known for being a snob to anyone she doesn't know. She's a young doctor who's already achieved so many things in such a young age of 24. She's the acting CEO of the private hospital owned by her parents, no one wants to disappoint Jennie because she's known for being a perfectionist.

But seeing her now, Jisoo could only smirk. She really had Jennie crazy around her palms. 

She thrust her fingers inside Jennie's hole like she's on a speed test. Jennie was whimpering curse words non-stop. Scratching Jisoo's bareback with her nails. Her skirt was nowhere to be found but her top was still on her. On the other hand, Jisoo's topless with her sweatpants clinging hard on her small waist.

"Spread your legs wider." Four words that made Jennie so soft and vulnerable. She knows what's gonna happened and she obviously couldn't wait.

Jisoo ate Jennie like she was her favorite cheesecake. The whimpering and cursing continued from both bodies.

After quite some time, their naked bodies surrendered. With heavy breathing, Jisoo and Jennie occupied the bed. The older could feel how tired the younger was, she couldn't blame her. She's probably tired from her hectic schedule earlier.

She had a meeting with the city doctors, two minor cardio operations.

She's a busy woman with a promising life and future ahead. And Jisoo was just there, watching as the younger's eyes were slowly falling into sleep.

Jisoo is not anything new. She is ordinary among the ordinary women out there. What will be her significance to Jennie's life?

Furthermore, the fun wasn't there anymore. They're both adults with a busy schedule, trying very hard to cope up with each other's daily stories. But they've been together for five years now, what story is left to be shared? 

The pain is killing Jisoo. She wants answers to her own queries. 

What can she offer more to Jennie? What will both of them gain when they choose to continue their relationship?

How can she tell Jennie that every time she say_ "I love you"_, her heart doesn't mean it anymore? How can her eyes keep lying in front of someone she doesn't want on her life any longer.

Jisoo didn't know when did her feelings start to fade. But she's absolutely certain of one thing — her uncertainty about marrying Jennie.

_You have ten days more._ Jisoo whispered to herself. A tear escaped on her left eye the moment she's about to fall asleep.

***

Past eight o'clock am. That was her iPhone 7 told her when Jennie pressed the power button of her mobile phone. She was startled because she remembered that their flight to Thailand is three hours away. 

"Baby?? Why didn't you wake me up —" Jennie paused when she saw a post-it note on the space of the bed next to her.

> _"Can you give me the nine days for myself? I am trying to figure things out. _
> 
> _Please take care of yourself._
> 
> _Love,_
> 
> _Jisoo" _

The words became blurry all of a sudden, train of tears left her newly awaken eyes. Weeks ago, Jennie thought that she is brave enough to give Jisoo what she wants but now that the other is gone, Jennie couldn't stop herself from crying. 

_I know you'll come back. I'll be waiting._ Jennie promises into the thin air just like how the moon promises the sun that they'll soon meet again. 


	2. Twenty five minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "If you can undo something, what would it be?"
> 
> "Us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this story is non-beta'd.   
if you see grammatical and typographical errors, just virtually kick me in the ass. i don't have much time to edit lol

> _Congratulations, Ms. Kim Jisoo. Dong-a University is pleased to inform you that you have been promoted as the school's guidance administrator. The city of Busan government is also welcoming you to be the next ambassador for mental health movement in our area._
> 
> _We are looking forward for your feedback about this matter._
> 
> _Happy Monday!_
> 
> _President Chanyeol Park, Dong-a University_

The four-walled office was occupied by a series of loud screams made by Jisoo as she read the email from their university's president early in the morning. She's lucky that no one except her coworker, _Wendy_, is there because no one goes to the office as early as both of them.

Wendy, a petite girl with short and straight hair, ran towards Jisoo's desk to check as to why the other was freaking out. As she read the monitor, she herself screamed together with Jisoo.

"Omg! Congratulations, girl! You deserve it!" Wendy congratulated and hugged Jisoo afterward. The other uttered a sincere thank you and went back to check her monitor.

It is not a dream.

Almost five minutes after digesting the news and writing a positive response to the university's president, Jisoo grabbed her phone from her silver Michael Korrs backpack. She hurriedly searched for Jennie's name on her contact list. She was very excited to share the news with the other, totally forgetting that she ditched their flight for their wedding just yesterday.

When Jisoo's brain cells reminded her about it, she paused herself from pressing the green icon that signifies the dial function from her mobile phone.

"No. I shouldn't call her." She reminded herself. Jisoo called her younger cousin Lalisa, but the other wasn't answering.

She was so happy moments earlier, but now, she is not. She had nothing to share about anything that's going on in her life, she only had Jennie. Jennie wasn't just her girlfriend, when they're dating, the two became each other's best friend too. 

So instead of celebrating, Jisoo continued working on the compiled paperwork due that day.

Jisoo went home to her small apartment in Busan. It's almost 8:00 pm and her stomach was already growling because of hunger. So she went to her small kitchen to find a pack of instant ramen to cook because unfortunately, she doesn't know how to cook. 

She wanted to slap herself because she remembers that Jennie would get mad at her if the other knew that she will try to cook for herself. Jisoo's a bit clumsy, so whenever she tries to cook, she will have 45% probability to burn the whole house.

But now, Jennie is not there. She will not know that Jisoo is going to cook for herself _alone_. She has no one to supervise about whatever she's doing. She has no one to take care of her but herself.

_Thank God!_ Jisoo was able to successfully cooked the instant ramen by herself. But yes, she had her two fingers burnt slightly while putting the noodles inside the pan.

She turned on the TV and it's the Korean drama that Jennie extremely love.

She was watching it while eating her ramen in solitude. 

Three minutes later, she found herself in total despair.

She thought she could do it all alone. She thought it would be _a lot happier alone_. Doing all the things she wanted to do without a girlfriend is her answer to her unending questions. But why does it feel more painful?

Maybe having someone by your side for five years would disallow you to do things alone. 

_Isn't it scary? To have someone in your life and then one day, you'll lose that person? _

What will you do if that someone who gives you so many memories became nothing but a memory in the end?

Those uncertainties were running continuously in Jisoo's head as she went to her room and grabbed the small red box where her engagement ring was stored.

Hours later, Jisoo fell asleep with her uncertainties.

She woke up earlier as should have. It's only 6:30 am based on her phone. Her office starts at 9:00 am and it is walking distance from her apartment, so Jisoo decided to take a short walk in the park near her.

While taking a walk in her sweatshirt and sweatpants, Jisoo decided to buy _Tteokbokki_, the number one Korean street food which is basically spicy rice cakes cooked in gochujang. 

"Honey, can't you see that I have a pretty customer here?" The old man who was selling the Tteokbokki said to his wife jokingly while handling Jisoo the food she bought. 

"Oh. She is surely pretty. But I am prettier than her, right?" The old woman responded. The old man laughed and nodded three times before planting a short kiss on his wife's left cheek.

Jisoo 's heart almost melted at the sight. The couple went back to her after that short period of sweetness.

"You are so beautiful. Bet you already have a great partner, right?" The old woman asked.

The young customer panicked. She blinked five times before giving her answer.

"Well... Ugh, yes."

"But where's your partner? "

"Oh uhm, my partner's busy with our wedding. Hehe."

"Wedding?? But why is your partner preparing it all alone? A wedding is a two-people job. It's not just a ceremony but a promise that will be made by both of you." The old man remarked but in a soft manner.

"Uhm. I decided to take some time to think.. about.. ugh you know... our wedding." She laughed halfheartedly.

"What's stopping from marrying your partner?" The old woman asked curiously. Almost shocked.

Then it was silence.

Jisoo would admit it to herself, she doesn't know _what_ was stopping her to marry Jennie.

"You know what, sweetheart. Marriage is fun and wonderful with the right person. The books, TV shows, and the media made it look like marriage is an unending series of pain, regrets, and financial crisis. But it is absolutely not. Problems are just a part of the equation of a happy married life. You've tasted salt, right? It's not quite good, but any dishes wouldn't taste good if salt doesn't exist. Right?" The old woman lectured, grabbing the hand of her husband.

"What if I couldn't feel my love for her anymore?" 

"That's the biggest mistake of almost everyone." The old woman chides. "You are all fantasizing love as a feeling, an extreme emotion of happiness and fulfillment. But love is not just about that. Love is about having someone by your side in any sort of circumstances, love is going home knowing someone is there willing to listen about anything happened to your day, love is about having someone who would be there to build your dreams with you and about you helping that someone to build her/his dreams for herself/himself. It is about having someone who would quarrel with you too because she or he wants to correct any of your wrongdoings. Love is a give and take. Love has always a tendency to fade but commitment surpasses the test of time."

Every word feels like a knife stabbing Jisoo until she can feel her heart bleeds. Jisoo can hear something tearing inside her, she can feel how her body freezes until her knees feel so weak that she almost fainted. With her teary eyes, she looks at the couple in front of her, she watches how the old merchant envelopes his arms around the waist of his beloved. There's a sound inside her brain akin to the sound that a microwave makes whenever Jisoo tries to toast her bread.

_I have someone whom I shared my life's ups and downs too. I have my own person. I have Jennie. _

"Darling, sorry if my wife talks a lot. She's really talkative but I love her nonetheless." Jisoo hears the old merchant said proudly, while his eyes that seem to have cataract stare lovingly to his wife.

A love that surpasses flaws, a love that stays willingly, a love that accepts her nonetheless. A love _made_ possible by Jennie. Jisoo remains speechless as she wipes her crystal-like tears.

Jisoo went home with a heavy feeling inside her heart. The couple she met a while ago planted daggers inside her heart.

She checked her calendar, she has five days left before her and Jennie's wedding.

***

_Wednesday_.

Jisoo went to her office to do her job but only to be reminded of her girlfriend. So, she decided to went home early and got herself drunk.

_Thursday_. She went to the pet house that she and Jennie used to visit often. She plans to pet some cat, only to find herself crying there the whole time because her number one cat person, isn't _there._ So, Jisoo went home, drinking another set of beers into her body.

She has two more days left.

It was Friday. But Jisoo found herself staring on her phone all day, waiting for Jennie to call, but it never happened. She knows Jennie very well. Perhaps the other tried to understand her and really gave her the space that she had asked. Jisoo knows that Jennie couldn't survive a day without talking to her, and she knows very well that she isn't only the one hurting right now but also Jennie.

At 11:11 PM, Jisoo got herself drunk for the countless times that week.

But this time, her body moves on its own. She swiftly grabbed the bag from her cabinet, she puts all her nice clothes there. Her drunk self managed to secure her passport and wallet, then put unnecessary items inside her bag.

She found herself waiting for the train in Busan Station at 3:00 AM on a Saturday.

She got inside the train. Jisoo would've been proud of herself to prepare the needed items even though she's drunk, but no because she forgot to put on her left shoe and she's walking there at Incheon airport wearing her _Doraemon_ pajamas.

She slept on the plane during the entire flight because the alcohol was creeping inside her nerves. She landed in Thailand without any plans. She doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know what words to say, all she has that moment was a hangover.

"Fuck yourself, Jisoo!" She said that to herself while pulling her baggage cart.

She might have a hangover but she knows Thailand very well because she grew up there with her cousin. So she rode a cab and went directly to her and Jennie's wedding place.

While she was on her way to the church, Jisoo's mind was full of several emotions. Despite of her hangover and messy thoughts, Jisoo could only think of one reason why she's here.

> _And that reason is Jennie_.

She got into the church with a missing shoe and her pair of Doraemon pajamas, Jisoo's probably going crazy, but she found the answer to her questions and she's definitely unstoppable now.

Fifteen minutes before their scheduled wedding, Jisoo was half-running to reach the church.

But when she got inside, her body was suddenly filled with horror. Everybody who is standing near the altar was crying. Jennie's parents are crying, even Jisoo's mom is screaming in agony.

Jisoo's body trembled in an instant. Is it because of her? 

But she's there already, she's marching in the aisle, but no one's walking towards her nor even giving her an ounce of attention. 

The church is beautifully decorated. The guests are wearing beautiful dresses with a shade of white and tranquil green. 

However, Jennie is not yet there.

The only thing that Jisoo grasped was the built of someone familiar, Lalisa, her cousin, who's standing there beside Tzuyu, Jennie's younger sister.

"Lalisa, where's Jennie? Where is— my wife?" Jisoo asked helplessly. Her voice is hoarse maybe from too much running earlier or maybe because of the fear slowly taking over her body.

Lalisa's shoulders are rising up and down, it took her some time before she could form a coherent response to her cousin who's standing dumbly inches away from her.

"The wedding car where Jennie was riding.." Lalisa swallows the big lump in her throat. "The car... got hit by a ten-wheeler truck while she and the driver are on the way here." 

To say that Jisoo's entire world collapsed is an understatement. 

Her heart was crumpled like a piece of paper. 

Her body was slowly being crushed that she slowly lost balance and she ends up sitting down on the floor. Jisoo blinks helplessly. 

"Ji—Jisoo.... Jisoo... I —" Lalisa was also out of words. Panicking what to do nor say to her cousin. She doesn't know what to do. Her cousin just had lost her supposed to be wife!

"You must be kidding me. This is not true — no, my wife can't die." Jisoo lets out a laugh that isn't a laugh. "She— should not die. No!! Lalisa! No! SHE CAN'T DIE!! MY WIFE —" Jisoo was screaming, her tears are running down like a river. Lalisa hurriedly went to assist her cousin's trembling body together with Tzuyu, who's also as helpless as everyone.

She couldn't lose Jennie. No. _Never_.

***

Three months after the incident, Tzuyu decided to ask Jisoo to come over their house for dinner. After the banquet with Jennie's family, Tzuyu handed Jisoo the camera that Jennie used to bring whenever they travel. It is Jennie's favorite camera. 

"My sister recorded a video while we're preparing for her makeup at the hotel. I saw it while organizing her room and I think you should watch it." Tzuyu says her voice is crack. As if she'll breakdown at any moment.

Jisoo gives the other a half-smile before opening the device. After a few clicks, Jisoo successfully opens the most recent clip saved in the device.

Jennie's beautiful face with her remarkable gummy smile occupies the screen. She's wearing her wedding gown and the tears in Jisoo's eyes accumulated like a storm.

> _ "Hi baby!! Ta da! I am now getting my make up! I know you'll love it more when I don't ware any make up but babe, today's our wedding day! We will take a lot of sweet pictures together. I couldn't look plain for our wedding pictures. I don't want to regret about it when we grow older. I miss you so much. I know you're having sleepless nights since August. How could I not notice that? You are my person. I know it whenever you're sad, uneasy, happy, excited, or nervous. I don't know how, but I mastered everything about you, my Chuchu. You are the most beautiful woman my eyes have ever laid on. I am sorry if I became so busy that loving you became my routine. You always say that I learn everything so fast, and that is why, I can't unlearn to love you. When you're watching this video, maybe you're inside the plane already. I know you will come. I know you are going to marry me. (**Lalisa, on the background: How sure are you that she will come?**) I am 100% sure. Because I know you're indecisive as fuck but you are always certain about the things you love — and that includes me. See you later, baby! Mwa."_

The video clip ended with Jennie blowing a kiss to the screen. She is so beautiful in the video, well she is _always_ beautiful.

The pain is slowly piercing Jisoo's entire being. Her eyes could no longer see anything around her, except for the tears blurring her brown eyes.

She wants to hurt herself so much. Because of her stupidity, she lost someone she loves the most. Maybe if she became a little braver, a little bit wiser, maybe she wouldn't lost Jennie.

The pain never lessens even how much time passes by, but Jisoo continues to live with the pain and lets it _carve_ beautiful scars inside her soul just like how Jennie manages to carved the meaning of love in Jisoo's heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading this short au!   
i would be happy to hear your comments/feedbacks/suggestions.  
scream @ me on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pinksarchives). take care always everyone


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